The Divine

Perhaps the most influential and well-known man of the 20th century once said, "It is always more difficult to fight against faith than against knowledge." This man is perhaps the most infamous man in modern history his name, Adolf Hitler. As "off" as Hitler was I think that he might have something here. I have recently been looking at faith as an enabler, and when one of my good friends called me yesterday and told me of a man that was willing to change his life the idea of the empowerment of faith transformed into a great reality.
One of my best friends called me the other day with some news that I could only describe as miraculous. I had been attributing the recent success of the Utah Jazz to a lot of things, but perhaps I was missing the mark. I saw that the team chemistry was at an inexplicable high. I saw that our players were shooting a ridiculous percentage from the field, and I was completely appalled when Mr. Sundiata Gaines hit that ridiculous game-winner against Cleveland last week. Why are these things happening? Is it just our time? Have we just begun inexplicably gelling for no apparent reason? Is Kyle Korver shooting 56% from beyond the arc just because he's that good of a shooter? I didn't understand it, but I didn't care. I was just ecstatic it was happening. Little did I know that this was all divine intervention, and as Mr. Hitler said it is harder to fight against faith than knowledge; or in this case faith than skill. My friend informed me that at the Bible study that she had attended (just before the jazz went on this tear) that a man had decided to be baptized. She said that everyone there was super excited, and that she had no idea who the man would be. They studied for a little while, and then walked to the jacuzzi where the baptism would take place. Low and behold she walked outside and who was sitting in the jacuzzi tub waiting for rebirth?.......Deron Williams. That is right, Deron Williams was getting baptized. Was D-Will alone in his time of submission to the Father? Of course not, his teammate Kyle Korver was there encouraging him. Is it interesting that Korver's numbers have been off the charts, not now that you understand why. That is right, Deron Williams and Kyle Korver understood the importance of the divine, and decided that they needed to change. Was this a good idea? The numbers speak for themselves. We haven't seen the Jazz playing this well in a long time. This is the first time ever that the Jazz have spent multiple days atop the Hollinger Power Rankings, so can we rule out the divine being the reason for this recent surge?.....I don't think we can. D-Will, Korver, and the Jazz we want to thank you for doing everything in your power to make us not only relevant but dangerous. Is there a team in the NBA that wants to come to Utah? Not right now I can promise you that.
Let us not turn our backs on the divine, let us remember that it is still relevant, let us thank God and "he will uphold us." "If he is with us who is against us?" We are so much harder to beat with him on our side: D-Will knows this, Korver knows this, and even Hitler understood this. We are appreciative of these simple truths. Let us not forget the divine in these times.

My Pursuit of Happyness

It's official, I am Will Smith. Let's forget that he s black and I'm white. We shouldn't mention that he is 6'2 and that I'm not an inch over 5'9. Please don't bring up that he is a multi-millionaire and award winning actor and rapper, and that the only acting I have done is to convince my dad to give me money. Well, that isn't completely true, I was in the Disney channel original movie "Minutemen," however, my performance was forgettable to say the least. And probably the least important thing to remember is that girls swoon over him; whereas, I have to soak myself in ground beef just to get dogs to want to hang around with me. Can we please cast all those things to the side, and talk about our unprecedented similarity? The other night while trying to fall asleep on my couch I began watching "The Pursuit of Happyness." I was sucked into the story, I could not fall asleep until I finished the film. To Paraphrase, basically the protagonist's life sucks and continues to suck and then sucks some more. There are some minor, moral victories here and there, but it all culminates in the end when he achieves ultimate success. Alright, I'll answer the question that everyone is asking, yes, I cried. I shed exactly three tears: one while watching the movie, and the other two when I realized how big of a wimp I really am.
Well, that brings us to today when I connected with Will Smith on a whole new level. This morning started as a normal day, everything seemed to be in order. I had my roommates, I had CaBooze, and I seemed to be doing alright in my other endeavors; then I jumped into the shower, which decided at the least opportune moment to run out of hot water. Not only are cold showers uncomfortable, they are a real shot to the ego; the physical toll was nothing compared to the emotional toll that it took on me. Well, after a pep talk I was able to convince myself that the water was just really really cold, I mean ICE COLD and I was able to continue my day. Can you guess what happened next? That's right, I ran into curly headed eff, and as if this wasn't enough he now thinks that we are on terms where we have to give the nod when we see each other. This in and of itself isn't that bad, but the fact that it is a step away from him becoming a real person with a real name was too much for me to handle in my fragile state. It was a crushing blow, I think the coldest shower in the world could have made me feel better after that. I came back home, and I fell face first into my couch. I was defeated, however, like Will Smith I decided to get back out there and keep going. I remembered that today was the kick-off to my intramural basketball season, and if there is one thing that can make me feel better it is intramural sports right?...... You guessed it, we got absolutely rolled. I'm pretty sure the other team gave me the "suck it" sign after the game. I couldn't go on, I wanted to crawl into a hole. This is the part of the movie when Will Smith would give up if it was just him, but he realizes that he needs to keep at it for his son. I shook off the loss because I knew that the Jazz would need me to be on my A game if we were going to break our six game losing streak in Portland. The game started and the Jazz were on a roll. CaBooze, D-Will, Lenko, and the boys were handling business. We jumped out to a 36-16 first quarter lead. We continued to dominate the game into the second quarter, and then it happened....CaBooze was limping towards the locker room. Right in that moment Portland began to make a run of its own. Could this be the worst thing to ever happen? I was a man in shambles. I looked around me, I saw Grub, Thighs, Willis, Uncle Steve, Nate-Dogg, Jorgito, J-Russ and the Robchibald; but I was alone. I never knew that I could experience physical pain from simply watching a basketball game. Just as I was about to lose myself completely I saw Korver hit a three ball from the corner of my eye. The Jazz rallied, and kept their lead. The losing streak in Portland was snapped, and D-Will is one game away from being able to shave his beard. I quote, "This, this right here, this is happiness." When life was letting me down the Jazz were there to pick me up. Our prayers go out to you CaBooze, and we hope that this is nothing serious. We love you.

Curly Headed Eff!!!

We all have that kid that we see constantly that we hate for no other reason than the fact the this person exists. For me this person is known simply as Curly Headed Eff. I don't know what it is about him, I have never had a conversation with him, however; I hate him for the simple fact that he is. Nothing bothers me more than the simple truth that he was born. It's not anything he did, it's just him. The saddest part is, it doesn't matter what he does, I will never like him. Well I realized how silly this was of me as a I sat and pondered the other day and decided that I would reach out to Curly Headed Eff, surely we must have something in common.... or so I thought. I realized that here in Utah the Jazz are a topic that usually can create some strong bonds so I decided to bring it up to Curly Headed Eff. He took the bait like a 14 year old boy who just stumbled upon a pornographic magazine. He claimed to love the Jazz, and then he did it, the ultimate sin. He said, "The only thing the Jazz need to do is get rid of Boozer." Well that confirmed everything I had predetermined about him. He cemented himself as Curly Headed Eff; that is, I lost all desire to ever find out his name. Here the Jazz is, 8-2 in its last 10 games, and this Eff has the audacity to say that we need to get rid of Boozer. The Jazz have handled business as of late; they have recently beaten the Cavs, the Mavs, the Spurs, and the Suns. They are now at the top of the Power Rankings of John Hollinger at ESPN, and he wrote an entire article defending the Jazz as the hottest team in the NBA http://insider.espn.go.com/nba/insider/columns/story?columnist=hollinger_john&page=PERDiem-100126. I have never met more people that claim to love something, but will turn around and attempt to discredit one of the premiere aspects of that entity. I cannot believe that anyone could profess that they are Jazz fans, yet give no support for our leading scorer and rebounder. I just want to close in saying thanks Curly Headed Eff you have once again demonstrated to me that I have incredible douchedar and can spot uber-douches like yourself from miles away. You are an idiot and forever shall be a Curly Headed Eff!!!

Cabooze

I'm extremely confused and to be quite honest disappointed in what I use to believe to be the best basketball fans in the world. As a life-long fan of the Utah Jazz, and a lover of the beautiful sport which is basketball I am appalled with what I've been hearing. I have heard over and over that Carlos Boozer is selfish, egotistical, a ball hog, a jerk, an idiot, and that he isn't good for the Jazz. This argument is ludicrous. Carlos Boozer is the single most important player on the team. The Jazz's success can be directly tied to how Boozer is playing. I will admit that at times he doesn't seem to play as hard as he should, however, with a little more support and love he will. Boozer is the type of guy that needs the love of those around him. He needs the support of his fans; he feeds off of our energy and love. I once had a dog that would poop all over my house, I use to scream at it constantly and it continued to give me crap. Finally, I started to encourage it when it pooped outside, I would give it praise and cheer it to victory. If we want crap from Booze we will scold him and yell at him, however, if we want a championship in Utah we must praise and encourage him. Let us look at some statistical evidence for Booze. When Booze scores 20+ points the Jazz are 19-3 this season. He is thrid in the league for double-doubles trailing only Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard. He has increased his assists this year from a career average of 2.5 to 3.5. His rebounds are up, his steals are up, and his blocks are up. CaBooze has also increased his willingness to give a hard foul which has made him an absolute beast in the paint. Also, Booze is much better looking this year, his acne is nearly gone, his teeth have been whitened, and he has been hitting the gym hard. You would be surprised how much better people perform when they improve their looks. This has been evidenced over and over in history: Urkel was only able to get girls when he revealed his cool alter-ego of stephan; we can't forget that the reason that the batman movies are so much better than the spiderman movies is that Christian Bale is so much better looking than Tobey "douche" Maguire. He is the single most important player on our team this year. His team chemistry has improved completely also: he is always grinning and high-fiving his teammates, he was the first person to run onto the court when Sundiata hit the game winner against Cleveland, and he is constantly yelling the ball into the rim on his and his teammates shots. He and D-Will seem to have worked out some of the chemistry problems they were having and now Booze has gone to the front office and asked not to be traded because he knows that this is he and D-Will's year. I am pleading with you Jazz fans, "We must back Boozer, he is our ticket to the championship."